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As leadership coach, one of the biggest challenges I see some leaders face is that they evoke battlefields of conflicts and misunderstandings.
They’ve got grit. They’re tough as nails and fiercely competent. They are successful. And they want to improve! They don’t like these constant battles. So their turn to empathy.
“I want to become a more empathetic leader”.
But there’s a catch. There is a side to self-improvement that has nothing to do with striving to be your best. There’s a side that is all about acceptance. One aspect of it? Your empathy within.
The secret sauce of empathetic leadership? It starts from within.
Empathy. A buzzword in today’s world, yet misunderstood by many.
The common concept is that it’s a virtue solely extended towards others, an emotional balm to be bandaged on someone else’s wounds.
But let’s flip that idea on its head. Ever considered empathy as an inside job? Yes, it’s about understanding others, but first, it’s about connecting with yourself.
You cannot bring genuine empathy to someone if you cannot bring it to yourself, first.
I believe this is one of the major misunderstandings we have when it comes to empathy and empathetic leadership. We feel triggered, frustrated or angry with someone, and from this state, want to empathetic with our surroundings.
Well, you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s only after you take a bath in self-empathy when you can you truly radiate it outward.
Unlock Empathy: The Power of A Resource Anchor
Tara Brach, one of my favourite spiritual guides, introduced a powerful tool for inner connection in her book Radical Compassion – ‘resource anchors’.
A blend of posture, emotions, and mindset, these anchors are a lifeline when self-compassion seems beyond our grasp.
“When we can’t access self-compassion, it’s time to find other sources of nurture. We look outside ourselves for living experiences and exemplars of kindness that have a particular meaning for us and them call on them to nourish our hearts. I call these resource anchors because they build and stabilize the inner resources we are developing”.
There are a wide array of resource anchors available to connect to this place of empathy within. Here are a few examples:
Visualizing beloved grandparents, their kindness, and wisdom
Carrying a photo of a loved one – could be a partner, a child
Thinking about a beloved pet. For some people, the emotional bond with animals is very profound
Having an image of your younger self (below 12 years old), bringing a smile to your face
Choose one or make one up for yourself.
Discover Empathetic Leadership: A Heart-Centered Journey In Under 5 Minutes
Here’s how to enter the game of empathetic leadership.
The Grounding Ritual Sit down, close your eyes, and focusing on your breathing. Sense the rise and fall of your belly. Do this for 1 minute.
Heart-Bridge: Connect to Yourself Now, put your hand over your heart-space. Allow yourself to feel. An emotion may knock. Warmly welcome it. Or you may feel a sensation of warmth. Be with it for a minute.
Visualize Your Anchor Remember your chosen resource anchor? Paint its picture in your mind. Let the emotions and sensations connected to it wash over you. Maintain your heart connection for a minute.
Affirm your Connection Let go of the image. Softly lower your head, forming a bridge between mind and heart. Whisper an affirmations in your inner ear – ‘I acknowledge you’, ‘I am here for you’. Let the quiet strength of your words resonate within.
Breathe Finally, lift your head and release your hands. Breathe deep, filling every corner of your being. Then, exhale slowly. Observe the rhythm of your breath, and when ready, open your eyes.
All you need to know
Great leaders lead from a heart-centered place. They are connected to their empathy within. It’s a connection to yourself, free from striving to be better or needing to change anything. From there, they bring genuine empathy to others and the world.
To recap, here are the 5 steps to take towards empathetic leadership:
Ground yourself
Connect to your heart
Visualize your resource anchor
Affirm your connection
Breathe